How Not To Lose Friends To Parenthood

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Fellow parents, I’ve seen the promised land. Children of Men was a lie. A world without kids is calm and quiet. It never smells of diapers. Free time is a tangible thing you can see stretching away forever to the horizon like a desert road. None of the books have pictures. The restaurants serve delicious entrees that excite the palate. You can visit this parallel universe too, but like all fantastical trips through time and space, you need a friend to guide you.